Well that was disappointing. The almost palpable lack of inspiration (wait, can you palpate a lack of something?) found in last Monday's CBS comedies was probably the primary reason these recaps are over a week late. I'd love to say I was out rock and rolling it up on Halloween (that's what the kids do these days, right? Rock and roll?), but it was just...bad television. I enjoyed
Hawaii Five-0's half-assed spooky episode more than these two. No that's not a compliment for
Hawaii Five-0.
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Damn you, The Leap for getting my hopes up
(and also for being a completely forgettable episode)! |
So after
six effing years, we return to pick up a dropped thread from one of my favorite Season 1 episodes,
The Slutty Pumpkin. Now I loved that episode. It was no
Okay Awesome, but I'm a sucker for a missed connections story involving slutty produce. I admit, I'm one of those that wondered what happened to The Slutty Pumpkin year after year. I even thought I had spotted The Slutty Pumpkin years ago, and was so proud of myself for spotting a
clever clue. I was wrong of course, but that never dampened the sense of wonder and mystery that first episode instilled. Which is why it was really disappointing that they went to the trouble of digging up this six year old mystery only to give it the most anti-climactic payoff since the first season finale of
Heroes.
It turns out that Slutty Pumpkin and Ted don't have much chemistry. This is actually a fascinating way to approach the whole myth that Ted had built up around her, the expectations we all had for her, etc. But it's all inexorably hampered by Katie Holmes wooden acting and the script's rushed plotting. The latter was probably my biggest disappointment with this, the rushed plotting. Instead of building up it, thirty seconds into the episode proper, Ted suddenly comes across the costume shop by happenstance (why didn't he ever think of looking up costume shops before?), who luckily happens to have the address information of the girl who wore it ten years ago (okay I'll give them that, since they made a nice little bit that goes with it), then he just shows up at her door and faster than you can say
"Blink twice if you need help getting away from Tom", they're all over each other. I mean, thirty fucking seconds. I loves me some
abbreviated introductions, especially when they let us skip over the predictable stuff and get to the meat of a story, but you have to follow it up with ...
meat. The entire succeeding plot could've just as easily taken place in the same 30 seconds.
It's was a nice idea but you have to deliver on the follow-through! Give us a maudlin story about Ted finally losing his defining idealized romanticism. Give us a noir-ish tale about a harried search through the Slutty Produce Costume underground. Show us a reinvigorated Ted finally letting go of his past and look forward to a new future. Don't give us a half-thought out story that could have been told with any girl and basically amounts to "Oh we thought we were gonna be into each other, but there's no chemistry, and it's awkward to say so". Fucking SUDDENLY SUSAN
banged that plot out more efficiently THIRTEEN YEARS AGO! (that is in no way an endorsement of Suddenly Susan or in anyway a suggestion to go watch it).
I do have to admit though I did like the appearance of teenage Ted appearing out of nowhere to chide him for wanting to not have sex with a woman. Now, it didn't make sense at
all (why does teenage Ted appear now, why teenage Ted instead of Hanging Chad Ted, didn't Ted have feelings-less sex with the big boobed chair-marrying chick from four episodes ago with no guilt?), but it was funny as hell. I do admit, the teenage me from 1997 would also be wonder just what in the hell was so unsexy about Katie Holmes shaking her tushie to the Barenaked Ladies (
"It just is," is all PresentMe could say)
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| And for the record? That's not even remotely a slutty pumpkin costume. I've been had. |
Speaking of potentially good plots given a half-assed treatment: Barney is 1/4 Canadian. Come on, people. That had the makings of a great running-gag based episode along the lines of Slapsgiving. Tie it into Robin's continued attraction to him, maybe toss in a sprinkle of Barney's unresolved issues with his father, and we could have had a funny episode that could have culiminated in a final punchline that could've had actual repercussions. As much as I loved Barney coming to the party as Apollo Creed in Rocky IV (complete with awesome introductory music and effects), where does that leave us next week? I will give him points for wearing the Ducky Tie on his arm, something I didn't notice the first time around. Also the post-credits
Superman III-esque doppelganger fight was pretty amusing. Still doesn't excuse the poor handling of the entire issue.
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| Yes, I reached for those same implements as well. |
And the less said about the Marshall and Lily plot the better. Now I haven't really had opportunity to hang around pregnant women for long periods of time (just long enough to get them from the Lamaze class to my bedroom, and then I tell them to scram, hey-oooo
[no i'm not proud of that one]), so I have no idea if this "hormonal women be gettin' dumber" thing is actually real but ... it can't possibly be fucking real! This has to be one of the most striking crypto-mysoginistic things I've seen on TV, and this is coming from someone who sat through all of
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Okay it's not anywhere near Studio 60, but still, what the hell was I watching? I hope at least the money they're going to get from selling the house will play some part in the future, otherwise I sat through that for nothing.
Overall, just, really disappointing. It almost felt like they had no idea they were going to get Katie Holmes for The Slutty Pumpkin, found out at the last minute, and then had to cobble together an episode out of half-written ideas and concepts. I'm not saying I could do any better (as this blog can attest to), but I've certainly seen better. From this show. Like an episode or two ago.
Oh and here, just because I feel bad this post was more a review than a recap, a little something
for the ladies (or dudes too, there's nothing wrong with that):
Wallpaper sized Apollo Creed Barney
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| (1920 x 1080) |
Other Screenshots
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