2 Broke Girls - 1x09 - And the Really Petty Cash

Alright, so far, so ...adequate. The show hasn't backslid into worse morass of cheapness and lameness. Facepalms were kept below concussion levels, and I'm even still interested in the story. You've bought yourself another week Girls.

Actually, snarkiness aside, this was actually a pretty decent progression of the Johnny storyline. Still hate this stupid face, but at least it's becoming more clear that he's probably a self-absorbed asshole, and Max's actions and reactions ring pretty damn true. And as much as I appreciate the fact this show resisted the urge to make the Paris Hilton-expy a bitch, I do kind of like the little hints of true-to-life panic and temporary (benign) selfishness Caroline is starting to exhibit.

Because all nice guys skulk around backyards waiting for
witnesses to leave.

So we pick up more or less where we left off last week. Johnny comes into the diner asking Max if they can still be Friends. Pretty fucking ballsy dude. But we'll soon learn that's pretty much his standard MO. Despite Caroline being shocked that he hasn't dumped his Hot British Girlfriend yet (despite him basically plastering his kiss with Max all over billboards), Max plays it cool, and says they can be friends. Then of course like a good friend Johnny slips in her back door (hey!) the second after Caroline leaves and smooches her right on the counter. Um, counter isn't a euphemism, I mean their kitchen counter in the apartment.

Meanwhile, Caroline's latest brilliant business idea (an email blast) has netted them an order for one hundred cupcakes for this coolio hipster art gallery showing. A coolio hipster art gallery showing where Johnny is showing. Max would rather skip it, but Caroline insists they need the money and the business, so Max bites down hard and makes the desserts. When they go to deliver them however, it turns out they weren't just being hired to bake, they were being hired to cater. By Cashandra. The owner of the gallery and the aforementioned Hot British Girlfriend.

Cashandra Smith was summarily stripped of all Cool Titles,
and found guilty on charges of "Using Chocolate/ Vanilla
Racial-Sexual Puns Without a Trace of Irony" in the
1st Circuit Court of Williamsburg. She is serving out the
remainder of her sentence in the penal colony of Staten
Island.

Cash seems pretty friendly at first, but considering the piece that's hanging is the infamous Snogging Maxine (my name, what do you think?), it's pretty obvious she's playing a long reconnaissance / intimidation / humiliation game. She asks them to circulate with the cupcakes, and that they won't get paid until they're all gone, an unfortunate choice of words. Max chooses to get absolutely drunk on the complimentary wine instead of actually working, especially since Caroline won't let her leave. Of course once Cash's bitch claws come out, dropping a truly groan-worthy line about how "Johnny prefers chocolate cupcakes. He'll have a vanilla if it's around, but he always comes back for the chocolate", even Caroline is ready to give up the ghost.

"Seriously, do you think my hoodie is too ironic?"

Johnny shows up and they get into it a little despite Caroline's pleas to "Split Up! [She] can smell the sex from across the room!", and Johnny drops that he's not going to split up with Cash. Well he doesn't so much drop it, as he douches that "it's complicated" and that they've been together two years. Oh well, then, by all means, wax poetic about Max's lips in her gallery, dude. Max breaks it up with Johnny, yet again, but blames it on her inablity to "be cool" instead of, you know, him being a feminine hygenie product in bad lens-less glasses. When the girls spy Johnny and Cash having a tender couple moment, it finally hits them, and they decide to just split.

Oh, in order to still get paid, they decide to get rid of the cupcakes by eating them and stuffing them down their shirts. I Love Lucy this show is not.

I would just rather not anyone 'splain that, if that's okay.

They wake up the next morning in Caroline's Vagina Bed, caked in cupcakes and absolutely miserable. Caroline reveals that she used the proceeds from the night before to buy that troublesome painting for the express purpose of Max kicking the shit out of it to finally put Johnny behind her. She can't quite bring herself to do it, so Caroline just smashes it on Max's foot. It's less violent than it sounds, but it's a sweet gesture.

So where does that leave us? I have no idea, I try to avoid commercials, but I really hope this is actually the end of the Johnny storyline for awhile. Not because it's been bad or anything, but because this is actually a pretty decent, realistic point for it to end. Johnny stays with his girlfriend, he's kind of a huge asshole, but not so overtly as to be cast as automatic villain. Sometimes this kind of shit just happens, and no one comes out the winner. Well, except maybe the asshole with the rich girlfriend who still manages to charm and bang waitresses on the side. I hate that guy.

Random thoughts:

• There was some subplot about Han trying to write a new, snappier, hipper Happy Birthday song for everyone to sing at the diner. The plot was fairly mediocre, but it stands out for bringing Han and Earl together and giving them non-racist jokes (a brief Tiger Mother jab notwithstanding), so yay?
•  "You told her?" // "Oh I'm sorry, would the more subtle way be to paint a picture and hang it on the wall for all the world to see?"-- actually had pretty good delivery. Nothing spectacular, but noteworthy because this show usually takes a halfway decent line and ruins it with delivery. It's nice to see the reverse every once in awhile.