Let's get the first disappointment of the night out of the way: Ted did not, in fact, go all Bill Bixby after leaving the apartment last week. We are not getting an episode of him hitchhiking through the village, helping widowed mothers keep the ranch, and fighting off road bandits. Instead he manages to do something stupider.
Also, now that things are getting serious with Quinn, Barney makes Ted swear that he won't tell everyone she's a stripper. So he immediately tells everyone she's a stripper.
Things we learned on this week's How I Met Your Mother:
Ted needs a cockpunch.
To be fair, we've known this for about 7 years, but let's count the ways he has earned it special this week:- Betraying a solemn promise, so he can go spread shit about his friend's new girlfriend that is none of anybody's business in less time than it takes for a swide-swoop.
- Accusing her of trying to steal all of his money because she's a stripper. Whoa, dude, check your privilege there. I mean, if he had talked about how she'd ripped him off last week that's one thing. That's a relevant thing. But literally making your leading accusation "She's a stripper and she's going to steal all of his money" really betrays your doucheism.
- He's crashing in the dorms like a creepy old man. I know OldTed said it was "university housing", but I'm pretty sure university housing for staff isn't the same housing as students. That's just skeevy.
- And not to mention he's also VERY rude, shushing the kids who are actually supposed to be there.
- And also extra point deductions for giving up your apartment and without having a place to stay! Moron.
- That said, the mini-gang was adorable. Plus "sandwich" sightings are always fun. Like Highlights magazine.
- He seriously tried to guilt Robin into giving him the apartment because she wouldn't return his feelings. Did she really need to sit him down and list off how that shit affected her shitty life way worse than it did his?
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| Are you fucking kidding me?? |
Stripping pays DOPE
Quinn never stops smiling
It's creepy. That should be a cause for concern. Instead of going around assuming sex workers are inherently dishonest, Ted, maybe you should be asking why she's smiling even when she's fighting. Then again if I could afford that apartment, you'd have to punch me in a kidney before I stopped smiling.
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| This is how she sneezes. |
Quinn will hypothetically stop stripping if she gets married
So, there you go, she's officially the red herring for Barney's wedding. Where he's obviously going to be marrying Robin. Are we really going to drag this reveal out for the rest of the season?
Ted and Barney Are Kids
And I actually mean this in the nicest way possible. That Broath scene really illustrates that Barney and Ted's friendship makes so much more sense if you picture it as two twelve year olds having make believe adventures in their backyard. All the crazy rules, the dares, the visits to strip clubs. It's really kind of sweet.We Are in Plot Ration Mode, People!
If the theme for the first half of the season was Robin getting shit on spectacularly, the theme for the second half seems to be "let's pad entire episodes with five minutes worth of plot to stretch out the revelations as much as possible".
I can't think of any other way to explain how we spent
- 20 minutes on the fake "Quinn breaks up with Barney" plan,
- 2 minutes on everyone's new living arrangements.
- 1 minute on Barney and Quinn actually moving in together.
Random Thoughts
- Quinntervention. You were right Marshall, we all feel better now.
- The ancient Greco-Roman Broath was cute.
- Nobody who moves into the original apartment will ever significantly change the decor, or even the direction the couch faces.
- The fact that Quinn went in so easily for a crazy Barney plans shows they're made for each other. Or one of them will eventually chop the other one up in their sleep.
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| That's right, cover them up... |
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