Up All Night - 1x05 - Mr. Bob's Toddler Kaleidoscope

Wow, this one is extremely late (for whatever value of late, late passes for around here). Apparently recaps are harder when your sinus and nasal cavities conspire to evict you from your own body. It's cool though, I just picked up some Kaleidoscope from Dr. Bob down on the corner, and now I'm writing four recaps at once. Unfortunately, they're all this same exact post. Yeah, I thought it'd be better too.

Luckily, what this recap lacks of timeliness and cleverness, this episode makes up for in spades. We get adorable buffoonery, an amusing Ava B-plot, and the best fictional-band-that-should-be-real since Scrantonicity.

Having thoroughly done their research, Reagan and Chris decide to enroll little Amy into a pre-school day-care  Jamboree cult  some kind of pre-schoolish place, where the parents stay and play with their toddlers instead of dumping them off to try and grab a few precious minutes of sanity and adult conversation. The school's proprietor, Dr. Bob, is welcoming and friendly, and apparently one of these people that (I hope) only exist in sitcoms and King of the Hill reruns that takes playing very seriously. Doctorate degree seriously. One workshop on the proper way to peek a joyful boo is all it takes for us to get the vibe.

"Holy fucking Christ, get in the car!"

Chris takes to the school immediately, fawning over Dr. Bob, comparing him Bruce Springsteen live, practicing the parachute game at home, generally doing that thing where Will Arnett is earnest and enthusiastic and scares the shit out of you because it's all coming from that weird gravelly voice. Seriously disturbing when children are involved.

"London Bridge is about to be taken down, biatches..."

Reagan, on the other hand, immediately makes a sworn enemy for life, when another parent, Missi Pyle, known only as "Kayla's Mom", starts snotting off about Reagan being a working mother. Reagan isn't gonna let no scrub bring that shiate in her house (or Kaledeiscope, or whatever), so she somehow simulatenously nerds AND jocks up, buying the Oxford English Wikipedia of Nursery Rhymes, Games, and Choreography and practicing/training at home with Amy. I've only got two regrets about this episode, and the second is that we didn't get a Rocky montage of Regan practicing London Bridge Is Falling Down. The first regret, we'll get to later. Reagan's plan actually seems to paying off, even getting kudos from Dr. Bob, when Kayla's Mom decides to get an extra dig in about Amy not being "developed enough". Reagan starts to throw the fuck down when Dr. Bob comes in and throws our favorite family out of the group.

♪ Feels so good to be a gangsta...♪

We later run into Kayla's Mom at a parking lot where she's having a bit of trouble folding up her designer stroller. Reagan takes pity on her and tries to help with the infernal contraption, and when that doesn't actually work out, they start Office Spacing the shit out of the miniature toddler conveyance. This seems to help them work shit out, and they bond, and go have a coffee. Yay, I hope we see more Missi Pyle.

Back in Ava-land, she's finally grown outright jealous that Reagan is choosing to spend more and more time with her baby than her. The final straw comes when Reagan Blitzes out early from their annual Manic Man-Day outing to go tuck Amy into bed. Now listen. Guys. Seriously. Guys. I need to take a minute to talk about this Manic Man-Day thing. It's a touring, cross-dressing, Bangles cover band. And It. Is. Fucking. Awesome. It's the best thing to uncomfortably fit into a dress since that summer I took up Pilates. My aforementioned biggest regret about this episode? That Manic Man-Day is not actually a thing. They don't exist in real life. Why doesn't this exist in real life? I would buy the SHIT out of those tickets. Real-life sucks.

I don't give a crap what you think of my search history now,
Google. This is awesome!

Jesus Christ, Missy. Are you just straight up illiterate?

Ava decides to passive-aggresively get back at Reagan by giving her speechwriting duties for an upcoming fancy shindig to a woefully unprepared Missy (Ava's long suffering assistant). Given a hilariously Jean-Ralphio-esque set of guidelines to follow, Missy freaks the hell out and tries to get the fuck out of this. Thankfully, Reagan ends up secretly writing Ava's speech and letting Missy take the credit. Which she promptly ruins by not knowing the meaning of the word hegemony. To her credit, I'm not sure Ava knew what it meant either.