New Girl - 1x07 - Bells

A surprisingly pretty sweet ep considering the cliche-sounding plot. Jess helps a group of wayward kids, Winston finds a way to reclaim his self-esteem and learns an important lesson about being competitive, and Nick and Schmidt hash out money issues. And yet, we end up with the best screaming matches this side of Philadelphia, and a few awesome bell recitals (Eye of the Tiger for fuck's sake!). Seriously I can really barely remember anything except for bells. I didn't know you could play bells that awesome. Is this what I miss when I don't have ESPN? Is there a US Bell Ringing Championship? Playoffs? Is this a thing?

Oh, apparently it is

♪Bing♪ ♪Bing, bing, bing♪ ♪Bing, bing bing♪
♪Bing, bing, binggggg♪

Jess is showing some redeeming qualities by revealing that she actually mentors a group of troubled youths in an after school music program/alternative to detention program. Unfortunately budget cuts have forced the elimination of most instruments, literature, and rehearsal space, so Jess is forced to bring the motley crew of Not-Quite-Ready-For-Disney yutes to the apartment to practice their donated bells.

Trying to get them excited and their self esteem up is hard, until Winston breezes in and shows an insane proficiency at belling. Was Lamorne Morris a teenage bell prodigy or something? Anyway, it's pretty sweet, and the kids all love him, and Jess gets prickly at his over the top competitive style (and possibly the kids adulation of him) and fires him. He shrugs it off, but once it's obvious the kids need some inspiration for their big recital (attended exclusively by hobos in a public park), he gets back on stage and rocks on for the team. It's almost like a decent plot for Winston. But still doesn't really give us character development. Let's see what this guy LIKES, what makes him tick besides just...perennial unhappiness.

Then again, maybe bells make him happy.

Somewhere out there is a professional plumber scoffing
because Nick used a 16oz Sierra Mist instead of the more
accurate 20oz Cherry Coke bottle.

Meanwhile, the most entertaining plot by far is Schmidt and Nick having probably the world's only game of Poor Chicken. It's like Gay Chicken, but you try to prove how hard you can be without money. Hm, maybe it is the same thing. Apparently Nick runs the apartment like MacGuyver's skinflint uncle, unwilling to pay for basic repairs, because he's got his own way of fixing anything that breaks with nothing but a ball of twine, a plastic water bottle, and a roll of quarters. And while his jury-rigging is impressive, when the toilet breaks, Schmidt is unwilling to wait for Nick to figure out how he can fix it with two pieces of lint and a bobby pin. So when Schmidt calls a professional, against Nick's express wishes, they get into it. Nick goes around undoing all his repairs (nearly killing everyone with falling furniture) and boycotting anything bought with Schmidt's money. Schmidt evicts all of Nick's food from the fridge (onto his bed) and even tries to squeeze his conditioner out of Nick's hair. It's fucking insane. And that's not even getting into the screaming matches. I have no idea why I loved them so much, but they're intense and hilarious, even before they start attacking each other. I loved it. As much as I get tired of seeing Jess all "adorably wacky", I love seeing the normally straight laced Nick just lose his shit. I mean, he does sort of lose his shit in every episode, but he rarely physically assaults anyone.

"I'M GOING TO CUT OUT THE MIDDLE MAN AND INSTALL
THAT PLASTIC BOTTLE RIGHT UP YOUR ASS!"