New Girl - 1x18 - Fancyman Part 2

Hey, we get out first two part episode! That's what "Part 2" means, right? Cause apart from a shared guest star, these two eps have like nothing in common. I mean, yeah, they're both about "growing up", but half of all episodes (everywhere!) are about growing up.

Don't get me wrong, it's a good ep. And what we do get is classic New Girl: relatable Jess, adorable Cece/Schmidt, screamy-drunk Nick, Winston doing ... good work...out there by himself. Unfortunately most of those arcs are largely suffer, perhaps unfairly, from the fact they don't build on almost any of their counterparts from last week. Especially Nick's. That dude had an earth shattering revelation about himself, on top of finally letting go of the woman he loves (likes? kinda crushes on?) and there's absolutely no follow-up. Considering the abrupt way Part 1 ended, it's especially maddening.

Alright, enough bad stuff though. Let's focus on the good.

Nick's old law-school friend, Dirk, comes to visit. Now I could spend an entire paragraph full of breathless snarky terms to describe how utterly repugnant Dirk is (he's a "degree collector", a PhD candidate in poetry, a scarf afficionado), but really, all I have to do is:

Yeah. He's that guy. It's good to see Martin Starr back on TV, but, yeech. So while it's really surprising that Nick, of all people, would refer to him as "the smartest guy I know", it's not that shocking that he's also the guy that introduces Nick to the world of easily-impressed-comely-undergrads.

Easily-impressed, comely undergrads.

Now, I say this with the full knowledge that it may cost me my Man Card (and the associated discounts at Pep Boys, Home Depot, and King Kullen), but those girls look all of sixteen and that just feels sleazy. Like there's no part of a sixteen year old that I'd be interested in. That came out wrong. But, it's not like they just  look "TV 16", which is really 21, so you don't really have to feel guilty about watching their show all the time even though you have no intent to write about it, and you don't even know a single character's names cause you're not really actually listening that much but seriously it's cool, because it's not creepy, I swear.

It took a shameful trip to Suburagtory's IMdB page to
confirm I am not, in fact, going to the special hell

But whatever. As completely out of character as this all seems for everyone involved, I'll accept it. We've all had a blind spot for a particular asshole friend at one time or another (and if you haven't, then you're probably the asshole friend). And, if you squint, you can maybe even say that, having decided to grow up, Nick has sought the advice of the "smartest man [he] knows" to help him do that. But, they could have at least named him Kev and tried to tie into Part 1, you know?

Kev is dead now.

Anyway, while Dirk is showing Nick how to liquor up and seduce teenagers, Jess is freaking out a little because  Sugar Daddy won't give her some sugar  Fancyman didn't kiss her after she spent their first date being her usual spazzy self. Everyone's assured her he was probably just nervous, but since Men of Fancicial Means don't get nervous, Jess thinks there's something wrong with her. The fact that he literally looks at his silent phone, jumps up, and bails on their second date the second she asks about it doesn't look good for her.

"I'm sorry, but the President of Africa just called with important business."

Anyway, Nick's thing surprisingly dovetails into to Jess' Fancyman thread by way of a shared epiphany: to easily impressed co-ed's, Nick is a fancyman. I mean, he literally says "I'm her fancyman!". And, to be fair, it's actually kind of a clever twist. It gives the entire subplot a reason to exist, it feeds into Nick's self-esteem issues, and it adds to Jess' own anxiety about keeping Fancyman interested. It's really not a bad subplot, considering. It's just also a complete abandonment of Nick's arc at the end of the last episode. We can't blame this on out of order episodes either, these are explicitly Part 1 and Part 2. It's just...it's really incredibly frustrating, because that was character arc was practically a cliffhanger, and I was really excited to see where Nick would take it.

That said, the overwhelming dissappointment is somewhat mitigated by the bit at the end with Drunk Nick crying in a field.

Why do I take such pleasure in your pain, Nick?

Faced with the prospect that she's just a 50-year-old man's fawning co-ed, Jess proceeds to get trashed at Nick and Dirk's Sleezapalooza, win a pretty bitchin' game of Cups and hide in a closet occupied by some canoodlers until Fancyman shows up out of nowhere to rescue her, get her a donut, and assure her he was just nervous and his interest in her is genuine and not creepy and Dirk-ish (new word!)

I've had my issues with Jess, but she was in top form again. Her weird date spaz'ings were pretty understandably the nervous ramblings of a relatively normal person on an awkward date. And really, since the only thing separating "Have you had your prostate checked?" from an inappropriate question to an inappropriate offer is subtle tone, I'm not inclined to blame her for that. Also, much like Nick smiling is always a cause for nightmares, Jess' cheery-freakout at the party was truly frightening. And by frightening, I also mean hilarious. Zooey's huge, normally gooey-sweet eyes managed to convey this weird mix of condescension and manic panic that we've never really seen from her before, and you know what? I laughed.

"Imma gonna introduce you to Kev!"

In other plot,Schmidt is offended when Dirk labels him (in the role of anonymous booty call) Cece's Sexcretary. It was a little heart breaking to see the many cartoon faces Schmidt makes at each stage of that conversation. When Cece says she's spoken for he's all :-D, but then Sexcretary comes along and he's like >O.

Listen motherfuckers, screenshots are hard.

Anyway, Schmidt's pouting and closing down the cheese shop moves Cece to genuinely apologize, make it up to him, and confess that what they have means something to her. Even if she still classifies it as just "sleeping with" him. Also, we find out he's named her breasts, Harold and Kumar, which is awesome.

"Thank you. We're genuinely honored."

Meanwhile Winston gives Shelby some space and then regrets it immediately. It's cute, though maybe a little too saccarrine, but it's biggest accomplishment is to set up the payoff to the Schmidt/Cece fight: While driving all night to Mexico to win Shelby back, Winston inadvertently smuggles Cece and Schmidt, mid-cavort in the trunk of Schmidt's car (aka secret sex location #3). Seeing as hiding people in trunks across the Mexican border is a bit of a sore spot, Cece and Schmidt are discovered by Winston and swear him to secrecy. For his part, Winston's entire faith in the basis of reality is utterly shattered. Which, while funny, is kind of overkill. Since Winston has never been one for hyperbolic freakouts, one can only assume that his sense of gravity has truly been blown away, which, I mean, is it really that hard to believe Schmidt and Cece?

To be fair, the entire collapse of your belief system does smell a lot like letting one rip.