New Girl - 1x10 - The Story of the 50

Lizzy Caplan (!!!!) joins us on what's hopefully the beginning of a long, long guest stint. And she couldn't have picked a better episode to hop on, because this week, we get a little bit of everything that makes this show work, and nothing of what's made it so frustrating in the past.

We get a hilariously douchey, but ultimately loveable Schmidt (and his d-bag Schmiddy friends). We get a neurotic, curmuddgeonly, screamy Nick. We even get an legitimately enjoyable Jess! A Jess who's quirky and sweet, but doesn't make you wonder why they don't make her wear a helmet when she leaves the house. We get a Winston that's...there. And we get a potential game changer I legitimately didn't see coming.

So Schmidt has finally done something so heinous, so douchtastic that he has to pay a full $50 into the Douchebag Jar, the largest fine levied against him. Despite Schdmidt's pleas it was his birthday (always a bad sign, when you have to rely on that argument), everyone unanmously agrees that what he did the previous night was inexcusable and only a hefty fine can make up for the seriousness of the charges.

Now, to be perfectly honest, the first time I watched this, it wasn't entirely clear that the point of contention was the amount of money, not the douchebag jar, per se. This is despite the fact that Schmidt literally says "I've never put so much money in there before", but that's just the kind of attention to detail you get from a talented recapper such as myself.

For varying definitions of the term "talented"

See, when Schmidt's reservation for a top of the line  douchemobile  party bus gets stolen by Frankie Muniz (awesome random reference), Jess decided to buoy his spirits by resurrecting his epic 29th birthday party in the most bootleg way possible. She repurposes a school bus as the new party bus, has her boss smuggle half a pot cookie out of the confiscated property cabinet, and hires a last minute balding male stripper to gyrate on the pole hastily bolted to that yellow sardine can on wheels. Only two of those things were on purpose.

I'm honestly impressed that he does thematically match the venue.
Skeevy gym teacher on a field trip, anyone?

This was actually a very cool of Jess, both in-show and on a meta level. She does something cute and quirky, but not naive and annoying as fuck. It's not old-timey radio sexy talk, it's actually reasonable and admirable. This is the kind of character you actually want to get to know more, the kind of character you can like.

And Schmidt agrees. From the second he sees the decidedly un-pimping school bus, it's obvious he's deeply touched by her gesture, and not at all dissatisfied at its lack of baller-ness. It's a sweet character note. He'll ruin that soon enough though.

Aw yeah. Swoon.

Also attending this mobile shindig is Nick's new date/girlfriend, LIZZY CAPLAN. I can't begin to tell you how happy this makes me. I've had a totally-about-her-talent-and-not-at-all-because-of-her-big-eyes-and-scrunchy-lip-pout crush on her ever since my seasonal job as That One Guy Who Watched The Class. Her and Andrea Anders were the only parts of that show that would keep me awake. A few months later Cloverfield came out (I will never forgive you, Godzilla Genital Crabs), and then I finally got around to watching Freaks and Geeks, and Hot Tub Time Machine, and then eventually Netflix brought me the awesomeness that was Party Down. I've seen a lot of her, is what I'm saying. So I was really glad to see her pop up again.

Fuck you, Starz.

Nick's completely taken by her too, and subsequently develops this insane inferiority complex trying to impress her. He doesn't want to bring her back to the apartment, he doesn't want her to meet his friends, he keeps disavowing Schmidt so hard it actually makes you feel bad for him. Let me say that again: he rags on Schmidt so hard, you actually feel bad for him.

This schmuck.

While this adolescent embarrassment comes out of nowhere (as he reminds us this very ep, this is a guy that quit law school, because he hates stuck up people), it really makes loads of sense in the larger context. His bitchy sense of inadequecy and low self esteem has been threaded through more than a few eps by now. It started early, in Naked, and reached a peak in Bells, where the law school thing puts a great emotional end cap on a hilarious running gag. So this is a nice, natural progression for that, and Jake Johnson pulls it off well, with barely restrained (and increasingly drunken) contempt and embarassment just oozing out of that perpetual cartoon frown of his.

"What are you talking about? I am smiling!"

Unfortunately, this bullshit threatens to derail the entire relationship before it's ever really started. At least until Lizzy finally lets down her guard and shows him that she's not perfect either. By Krav Maga-ing the shit out of some uber-doucher friend of Schmidt's that was sleazing around Jess. It was glorious.

Told you.

Somehow cheered up by the fact that she's at least as damaged as him (and that her damage is severe enough to cause the entire damn bus to crash), they reconcile and live happily ever after for six seasons when she becomes a permanent cast member.

Parts of this post may be meant exclusively for FOX executives.

Meanwhile, violent crash of his party bus aside, Schmidt's having a grand time, but he's still concerned about impressing Benjamin, his bronemy. Think Jean Ralphio without any redeeming characteristics. Despite the fact that flashback-fat suits stopped being funny about the third time Monica put one on, it was really cool to see how Schmidt became Schmidt. Apparently he was a "sweet, chubby Communications Major", until he fell in with Baller Yoda here, moved to LA, lost the weight, and became the insufferable douche he is now. It really puts the Nick-Schmidt friendship in a whole new light, and showed us that as bad as he is, the sweet chubby kid inside is stopping him from becoming much, much worse.

There's a joke here about one Schmidt swallowing the other, but I can't find it...

And that's why, ultimately, I don't think that Schmidt should've had to put a fifty in the Douchebag Jar this ep. Because it wasn't the Raging Douche who leaned in to kiss Jess, it was the sweet, chubby kid who was really happy someone was sweet to him.

Oh yeah, he did that.

Pictured: Not awkward.

I'll be honest, that was a pairing I did NOT expect. I am totally on board the Cece/Schmidt ship. But if it means that Nick is off the table because Lizzy Caplan is sticking around for awhile, then I'll be glad to find someway to make it work. In the meantime, however, Jess totally wasn't having it, so it may just be a one-episode thing and I hope it stays that way.