How I Met Your Mother - 7x04 - The Stinson Missile Crisis

Robin has FINALLY decided to get some much needed therapy for her bouts of ultra-violence. The word decided might be sugar-coating it though, as super-awesome-surprise-guest-star-Kal Penn! points out: she's in court-ordered therapy for assaulting a woman. Who thought that trapping Robin in a room and forcing her to talk about her feelings was a valid way to CURE her violent tendencies? Good luck, Kumar. We're all counting on you.

Hardened journalists, everybody.

Robin apparently gets story-telling tips from Ted (or vice-versa?) as she spends the entire episode leading up to the assault in typical HIMYM-meandering style, infuriating Dr. Kumar to no end (and inspiring some awesome psychiatry related quips; please come back Kumar!). Luckily, imma break it down for youse guys like this: Robin is having a hella hard time watching Barney go over the top being gooey perfect boyfriend to Nora. He's sending her flowers and chocolates every day, and serenading her in front of the office. Robin takes this heartbreaking spectacle in her ususal stoic manner.

Yeah, that's about right...

Barney, for his part, despite being fully committed to Nora, has seemingly lost control of his various BDS (Bimbo Delivery System) schemes that have been in place over the years. The BDS's are self-perpetuating schemes designed to keep a constant minimum flow of blonde floozies coming to him at all times.

Highlights include:

• A Dr. Zizmore-esque infomercial wherein he impersonates a doctor offering free "Breast Reduction Consultations" (complete with print and billboard ads worldwide)
• A spin-off scheme involving him impersonating a tv lawyer looking to sue that "well-endowed" man for victimizing those same poor well-endowed ladies
• A contact at the Port Authority on the lookout for poor impressionable farm girls just off the bus with "big dreams of Broadway and no idea what a 'casting director' could legally ask her to do, hold or lick during an audition."

and finally...

• A dedicated cold-calling machine-slash-missed connections scam.

First off: Barney is a straight-up sociopath, and has graduated to full-on predator.
Second of all: Use of a dedicated cold-calling machine for any purpose should be a capital crime.

Anyway, he needs to defuse all these autonomous boobsday devices (no, i'm not proud of that one) in the three days he has before Nora returns from a European assignment/exile Robin accidentally tricked her into. Robin offers to help in an unhealthy mix of genuine friendship and evil boyfriend-stealing scheming. Really? After the Victoria stuff last week, you're seriously considering that?

The disarming goes well enough, including a tearful goodbye to Port Authority Mitch, while Robin and Barney bond, bro-style (to her chagrin). Of course just as Robin is about to pull out the full-on seduction act, Nora comes back early, and Robin decides to be honorable and stoic(?) about the whole thing.

Truly inspiring

At least until the unthinkable! One of the BDS systems was accidentally armed! The ColdCall 5000 launched an unsolicited phone call to one extremely gullible blonde floozy, who ran straight to McClaren's to meet the love of her life. Robin, feeling a little evil, pops the girls top button and sends her on her way to interrupt Barney and Nora's date. Then, thinking better of it, she runs after her to intercept her before she reaches her target. Said interception, unfortunately, is the aforementioned assault.

Dr. Kumar thinks that Robin isn't a violent offender or a danger to society, and that she's a good, and caring friend.

Pictured in the background: not a danger to society

Dr. Kumar is not a very good doctor. However, Robin's not quite out of trouble, because now she has to explain keying the judge's car.

Oh, and over in excreable subplot land, Ted starts getting mighty creepily involved in Lily and Marshall's prenatal care, going so far as to try and veto their OBGYN (welcome back to TV, Vicki Lewis! I missed you!) and her permissive relaxed prenatal advice. Aside from some nice sight gags highlighting how pathetic Ted is (again), this was mostly a forgettable plot, if not downright offensive. There is also a weird running gag where Marshall knows absolutely nothing about the vagina, including what the clitoris is. That's just...that's too depressing to think about. Starving-children-in-Africa-too-depressing-to-think-about.

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