How I Met Your Mother - 7x24 - The Magician's Code, Part Two

Okay first of all, why was the last episode called "The Magician's Code Part One", when it had barely anything to do with this episode. If anything, the last episode should have been called "Good Crazy, Part 2!" I have issues with inappropriate episode title naming.

Now that that's off my chest. So much is happening!

So Lily and Marshall take Baby Marvin home and spend pretty much the next week without sleep or showers or any of those typical luxuries the rest of us take for granted. And yet they still look and act super sweet and awesome and are taking to this parenting thing like champs. Chief among their new found parental wisdoms: Ted is no longer allowed to bring any issues to them "lower than an 8". They will refuse to partake in his neuroses over crap like whether a winky emoticon is an appropriate text to send. Good for you guys! Stand up against bullshit everywhere!

They also asked Robin to take a photograph of the new family for their birth announcement. I'm not entirely sure why they asked Robin, but considering the gag-inducing flower-blossoming video Ted perpetrated upon humankind last episode, it's good he be banned from holding a camera for awhile. It proves nearly impossible to get a good picture though, what with the sleep deprivation and poopy shirts and all, but when everyone finally collapses into bed, she takes an adorable photo of Baby Marvin asleep in his parents arm, as they get some well needed rest. Aw.

After arguing with Robin about whether he keeps self-sabotaging by only going after women with whom he has no future, Ted decides to take her literal advice and call Victoria, the engaged woman whom he has cheated on and has turned him down earlier this year. I'm starting to think that Robin just wants to spread around the misery she's been put through this season. Completely understandable.

Victoria, of course, shows up in a wedding dress. Because she's getting married. That day. In a few hours. Maybe. She may not go through with it. She hasn't decided yet, she's mainly waiting to hear on what Ted has to offer. Listen, kid, even Rachel Green managed to commit to a complete bail before running through the Village in her wedding dress. Cowgirl up.

There's actually a hilarious bit in the middle of all this, when Ted calls the Gang up to ask them for advice while Victoria's in the ladies room. Marshall and Lily agree this is easily a Ten and they all rush down, offer absolutely no good advice, and belatedly realize that Baby's First Outing was to a bar. I liked that. Very appropriate for a group of inveterate alcoholics such as these.

Anyway, Victoria offers that she has a car ready and they could run away together. Ted assents and they start their mad dash to... the church? Because Ted isn't really running away with her, he's taking her back. He explains how being left at the altar almost killed him, and that he can't do that to someone else. "You're somebody's fiance and I have to respect that."

Wow Ted. I actually...respect you? Is that what this feeling is? I mean, you could've just turned her down instead of making her go back like she was a truant child, but you know...baby steps. Of Respect.

Wait. Wait, no. He keeps driving past the church. He's changed his mind. He's stealing another man's fiance, despite giving an impassioned speech about how wrong that was four minutes ago. Well, that respect didn't last long. Have fun riding off into the sunset. Because we know this will absolutely last, and will not at all be another pointless stall to drag out next season.

Cockpunch Ted. One final cockpunch,

Meanwhile, Barney suddenly remembers that he's got a subplot going too, and rushes back to his apartment to see Quinn. He has a genuinely touching moment when he realizes that Quinn hasn't left him after their big fight or because he split to Atlantic City for two days without telling her. Wait, Atlantic City was two days? Marshall didn't call his pregnant wife for two days? I...whatever, moving on.

Quinn forgives his bullshit, but still got some pretty sweet revenge by throwing out his "American Psycho decor" and decking his entire apartment out in Hello Kitty. "What would the inside of tinkerbell's vagina look like?", she asked? You know what? I love Quinn. Her perma-smile still freaks me out, but she's much cooler than Nora.

Tinkerbell's vagina storing the death mask of the Mayan mime god, somehow makes sense

Barney agrees, because the next thing we know it's a week later, and he and Quinn are stuck at airport security (that Hawaii trip from a few weeks ago), on account of this giant magic puzzle box that Barney packed and is refusing to open for the guards. It's an engagement ring. Listen, I don't think anyone was fooled by that. It's a box he refuses to open, on a romantic weekend. It's an engagement ring. Normally it'd be complete bullshit to drag this "mystery" out for an entire episode, but they made it worth it. Barney trolling TSA with magic tricks is comedy gold. And the final reveal/box opening was surprisingly impressive.

But I'm like 56% sure screaming out "Simsim Salabim!" might be a little racist...

Unfortunately it all comes to a head (that is, Barney finally assents to helping his girlfriend get out of government custody), when Quinn reveals that she has, in fact, quit stripping. Which is just head slappingly mind boggling on a few levels, not the least of which is that this entire multi-episode argument about keeping her independence and a job she loved in the face of paranoid, insecure demands from an unreasonable boyfriend has ended squarely on the side of the guy who called her a prostitute. As much as I'd like to think this is just the set up to a long meaty dramatic arc about a fundamentally damaged couple, I'm pretty sure it's...not.

So let's bypass all this uncomfortableness and flash back to the future, but not all the way in the future, just a slight future from the present, which is technically the past, it's Barney's wedding day! And once again we're right back to where we've been for the past three years, with Ted going to see "the Bride". Except this time we can actually see that the Bride is, dun dun dun.... Robin!

This is my shocked face.

You know the biggest tragedy of this is? Not that when I finally get to like Quinn, it's confirmed her days are numbered. Not that it makes the whole will-they-won't-they, break-ups, love triangles bullshit of the past season pointless. Not that it was also obvious from the second we knew Barney was the groom. No, the true tragedy is that however many years down the road this wedding takes place, Robin has still has that horrendous unflattering hairstyle.

It might've gotten worse.

What a bummer.

Random Thoughts

• Ted says that the flash forward is "the story of a wedding that went horribly wrong". Did we know it went horribly wrong before? I don't even know which of the episodes to rewatch to check on this. How many times have we been at this damn wedding?

• Love that Robin's spent half an episode telling Ted he's full of crap. Not sure i agree with her reasoning, but it's not the road that matters, it's that you got there, right? Right.

• Aw why did Ted toss that stuffed bear back at the liquor store proprietor in that flashback? That seems like just spitting in that old mans face. For that matter, why does a liquor store proprietor have stuffed bears to give out in the first place? Lots of pregnant women shop there? Children?

• "Yeah that guy was banging your mom" / "Once upon a time this creepy magic dude was boning Barney's mom..."

• There was a drop of Cuervo on Marv's soft spot!

• I liked that one of the TSA guards was taking a picture of Barney's insane proposal. such a small, but realistic detail. I wonder if those pictures will show up at some point?

• Speaking of which the single most unbelievable part of that story is that he didn't end up in Gitmo with Harold and Kumar.

• "Last chance to run away together" -- not funny Barney