How I Met Your Mother - 7x17 - No Pressure

Alright, so it's less of a sprint and more of a light jog. But hey, at least they're going somewhere right? Right? Seriously though, are we going somewhere?

We pick up more or less where we left off last time. Robin, fresh of dumping/being dumped by her fiance of three hours, on the roof. Ted, master of perfect timing, in front of her, telling her, again, he loves her and to take him back. This can only end well.

How I Met Your Mother - 7x16 - The Drunk Train

...wait, what? What the hell is going on here? No, really. I can't tell anymore. Are we bravely forging forward to daring new story lines, or cynically sliding backwards into tired tropes? After the Rebound Girl/Symphony backsies, I can't really work up the effort to try and figure it out. So, I guess I'm just along for the ride from now on. No longer getting my hopes up, but still utterly, helplessly confused. I knew if I did this long enough, my sex life and my TV viewing would start to intermingle...

That doesn't mean I can't appreciate the intermittent courage that seeps through. If anything it's obvious that, for some reason, TPTB are have decided this is the year to throw crazy shit at the wall and see what sticks. Perhaps not coincidentally, it seems this is also The Season of Robin, for better and worse (that is to say, better for us, worse for her). Almost every major emotional high and low point (mostly low) is her, and this ep is no exception.

How I Met Your Mother - 7x15 - The Burning Beekeeper

Another filler episode whose only redeeming characteristic is some awesome, but brief Martin Short-istry and a great visual gag, but is otherwise pretty unimpressive. You would think the show's long-standing tradition of an unreliable narrator would make it easy for them to try their hand at Rashoman-as-sitcom, but even if Coupling hadn't already done it far better, the entire excercise falls surprisingly flat. None of the threads they dangle are particularly intriguing, the payoffs to them are fairly boring, their intersections are plotted awkwardly, and most of the drama in between isn't the least bit engaging.

How I Met Your Mother - 7x14 - 46 Minutes

Alright, I think about a month since Symphony of Illumination, with Tailgate tossed in between, has calmed me down a little. I'm not so angry. I even kind of liked this episode, with very few reservations. It kind of hearkened back to Season 1, with wild drunken adventures, veering off in random directions, ending up with a legendary night. We got the return of Stripper Lily (always welcome). We even got acknowledgement that Long Island is a long fucking way off from the city, even though I have a feeling we'll still be seeing Lily and Marshall at the bar just as often.

How I Met Your Mother - 7x13 - Tailgate

Listen, show, this was a pretty okay episode. Any other season, it might even have been a pretty good episode, MAYBE even great. But I'm still disappointed in you, after the blatant backpedaling last ep. I know, I know, I shouldn't have expected so much from you, you can't help what you are. But it hurts me to see you satisfied with these minor accomplishments, when I can see you're not living up to your true potential. This isn't bad, show. It's pretty good. But you can be better.

How I Met Your Mother - 7x12 - Symphony of Illumination

Game Reset.

Seriously, what the fuck? That was...low. Truth be told, I only had myself to blame for getting my hopes up. It's not like I'm NEW to formulaic television and sitcoms. Why WOULD this show take a daring risk to reinvent itself or even reaffirm it's principal conceit, when it could just hit the reset button, paper over any real consequences with some sad faces and mournful eyes that last all of one episode, and stick to the same formula of stubborn attrition that's worked for them so well over the past seven years. But did they have to do it so cruelly? Did they really have to change the entire shows narrative framing device (for the very first time), just to pull an extended gotcha! The outcome may have been expected, but that doesn't make it less frustrating or disappointing. I mean, for fuck's sake, at this stage in the game, even Friends was shaking up it's formula more than HIMYM is. That's just tragic, right there.

How I Met Your Mother - 7x11 - The Rebound Girl

Holy balls, yes! Shit is STILL getting real! Said shit is getting real at such a pace that the function of Real Getting plotted versus time is reaching an asymptotic curve! What I'm saying is, we're about thirty paces from officially being Balls To The Wall here. I mean, we are in serious danger of veering into latter day Friends territory here (and I don't think anyone wants to see that happen), but I am just so happy this show has finally decided to get up off it's ass and stop treading water. It's been like four seasons of nothing new happening, and in the span of three episodes everything's changed! Okay, producer dudes, don't break my heart here. Pull this off. Don't punt, don't drop the ball, don't Friends this okay? Make me proud here!

How I Met Your Mother - 7x10 - Tick, Tick, Tick

Holy shit. Shit just got real, y'all. Or shit briefly got real, before being put on the back burner for about 4-6 eps, before being briefly brought up one or two more times before the finale. I'm hoping not. I like the idea of everything going balls to the walls each episode this season. For the first time in a while it feels like they're not just treading water for a season (I mean obviously they are in terms of the Mother, but in general), and it also doesn't feel like they're going to punt like they did with the whole dispersing tease in early Season 4. Love has been declared, relationships irreparably broken, nachos were eaten from the garbage! And we get an super fun subplot, epic in scope, to balance it all out! Please don't eff this up, guys.

Because AWESOME THAT'S WHY

How I Met Your Mother - 7x09 - Disaster Averted

The gang flashes back to Hurricane Irene! And yes, that is a very apt metaphor for a confusing and disappointing anticlimax! Ted wants to leave the city for Westchester and bring everyone with him, but no one believes the storm will be that bad! Robin keeps talking about weird shit Canadians do outside in hurricanes in various states of undress! Soon enough it's not up to them anymore and, boom, trapped! Marshall wil be without health insurance for a whole two weeks! For some reason, he believes staying near Lily at ALL times until then will protect him from bear attacks! I don't know why I'm yelling everthing! And finally, most importantly, the Ducky Tie is challenged, and the Slap Bet returns!

Now THAT's what I'm talking about! Callback references with meaningful follow-through! Interesting story lines  Guest starts that aren't dead weight! A bit of a fumble towards the end there and followed by a cliffhanger that makes my cliche-hairs stand on end (don't ask where they are), but at least means we're moving things forward! I loved this ep. Well, I liked this ep. More lowered expectations? I don't care! I'm in again!

Because I CAN'T UNSEE

How I Met Your Mother - 7x08 - The Slutty Pumpkin Returns

Well that was disappointing. The almost palpable lack of inspiration (wait, can you palpate a lack of something?) found in last Monday's CBS comedies was probably the primary reason these recaps are over a week late. I'd love to say I was out rock and rolling it up on Halloween (that's what the kids do these days, right? Rock and roll?), but it was just...bad television. I enjoyed Hawaii Five-0's half-assed spooky episode more than these two. No that's not a compliment for Hawaii Five-0.

How I Met Your Mother - 7x07 - Noretta

Holy crap, there was some goddamn nightmare fuel here. I'm honestly surprised it wasn't next week's Halloween episode.

It's a psychological house of horrors as Marshall and Lily struggle with the concept of having sex with their respective dads, Barney and Nora's date is met with a series of improbable tragedies not seen since an 80's teen movie, and  Kumar   Kutner  Kevin finally has a dawning realization of the fucked up situation he's finding himself in since he agreed to date his patient.

And we sit through this trauma show for the sake of the parade of loveable past guest stars that only stay for cringe inducing scenes. Bring a bottle of whiskey and join me, why don't you?

How I Met Your Mother - 1x06 - History vs. Mystery

Ted, decides to try and go stalking-free on his latest date. Only for Marriage-After-the-First-Date-Ted, would that be considered a wacky idea.

Marshall and Lily, meanwhile, struggle with deciding whether to learn about the sex of their baby before it's born. Or, well, they struggle with Barney insisting they're struggling.

Dr.  Kumar  Kutner, on the other hand, struggles not to look like a super creepy, uncomfortable, paternalizing weirdo.

Everyone fails.

How I Met Your Mother - 7x05 - Field Trip

Yay! Kumar's back!
Ew! He's dating Robin!

Yay! Ted's doing something different with his hair!
Ew! It's the hair on his chin.

Yay! It's another simultaneously pretty great, disturbing, and educational episode.
Ew! Kumar's still dating Robin. His patient.

Join me on this roller coaster ride. I promise Ewoks.

How I Met Your Mother - 7x04 - The Stinson Missile Crisis

Robin has FINALLY decided to get some much needed therapy for her bouts of ultra-violence. The word decided might be sugar-coating it though, as super-awesome-surprise-guest-star-Kal Penn! points out: she's in court-ordered therapy for assaulting a woman. Who thought that trapping Robin in a room and forcing her to talk about her feelings was a valid way to CURE her violent tendencies? Good luck, Kumar. We're all counting on you.

How I Met Your Mother - 7x03 - Ducky Tie

So what do you know: Victoria. Didn't see that coming! This week we tie up some threads I didn't even realize were loose, and pull at some others I never thought they'd get around to trying. And yet, how could they not? So we follow Ted as he tries to make up for his philandering ways back in Season 1, gains a little insight and knowledge about his past and future along the way, and still manages to be the only cast member on this show not to have seen Lily's boobs. For shame Ted. Consider it punishment for cheating on the nauseatingly adorable cupcake lady.

How I Met Your Mother - 7x02 - The Naked Truth

Not much to say about this one. Martin Short finally gets back to Marshall about that dream job at the environmental legal agency of dogooding, or whatever. Everything is set to go, they just have to do the background check. Of course a background check will inevitably pull up a YouTube video (really? again?) of Beercules, Marshall's college-era drunk streaking alter-ego. Actually I kind of like this pattern of YouTube alter-egos. Ted has Schmosby, Marshall has Beercules, Robin has Robin Sparkles...Lily's next right? I don't think we want to see what alter-ego Barney would commit to video tape and put up on the internet...

How I Met Your Mother - 7x01 - The Best Man

We start out with Dad Ted telling his kids about the time he was Uncle Barney's best man and they both sat down and flash backed to the time he was Uncle Punchy's best man which involves flashing back to several other times Ted was Best Man at various weddings, each of which featured further flashbacks until finally we join Ted eating alone in a luxurious mansion overlooking an eroding beach at the shore of a collapsing citysca--what? No! We need to go deeper!